the power of letting go
“I should be able to…”
“I used to be able to…”
“I’m supposed to be able to…”
Seemingly harmless, these are three of the most destructive sentence starters I hear people speak.
And they’re also words I’ve spoken a lot.
This is my journey with these phrases and how letting go of them will be the most challenging but liberating journey you’ll ever embark on.
By letting go of these phrases you are letting go of the past, of other people’s expectation of you and of your expectation of yourself. (Because lets be real, whose expectation of themselves is EVER reasonable??)
It’s equally hard and rewarding and also the fastest channel to growth.
…
In October of 2022 I was the strongest powerlifter I had ever been. I was on track to hit some numbers I had never even dreamed of moving.
But life had other plans for me.
In December of 2022, I bulged a disc and lost it all.
After a few months of rehab I slowly began to gain back my strength. I wanted to get back to where I was before…
That’s where the problem began.
Each training session became a comparison to “where I used to be.” I was the organiser of my own pity party every single day. I was angry, impatient and fuelled by shame. My 80kg snatch grip deadlift felt like absolutely nothing compared to the 180kg I had pulled at nationals. I felt like my muscles were wasting away from lack of use, and I despised loading up such “light weights” at the gym.
I would have a few weeks of adhering to the rehab plan, but every time I lifted something less than what I used to lift, I would feel shame, and it would add up until I couldn’t handle it anymore and would do something stupid just to prove to myself that I could. This, inevitably would cause another flare up and set me back even further.
I would go on repeating this pattern for months. I would eat less because I was training lower volume and load and I was scared of gaining weight, which would cause me to lose muscle and strength and make rehab harder.
After a year of cyclical, self destructive behaviour I came to a cross roads. In December of 2023 I looked back at the last 12 months. From my perspective it looked like 12 months of regression and loss; like I was using a teaspoon to scoop out sea water from a sinking ship.
So I gave up.
I stopped strength training for 3 weeks - the longest stint of being sedentary (by choice) since I was 14.
I couldn’t do it anymore. Training made me feel terrible.
I was done.
…
Then something shifted.
In the process of giving up, I had let go of all expectation of myself, I was no longer comparing myself to who I used to be.
There was no internal pressure to perform.
And without this pressure, something became clear: I missed strength training.
So I made my way back to the gym.
I showed up and enjoyed the process, without expectation. Because as far as I could see, I was basically starting from nothing.
I rediscovered the love I had for lifting when I first started at 14.
Slowly but surely, by following my love for the process, I kept showing up. I realised that the only thing that had stopped me from loving training was me. My self imposed expectations. My attachment to what I “should be” doing, what I “used to” do, what I was “supposed to be” able to do.
Fast forward 6 months, and I’m healthier, in less pain, more fit, athletic, well rounded and happier than I was in October of 2022.
I have some competitions lined up and I am creeping close to personal bests.
My approach to lifting back then was not sustainable, and it took me almost losing it all to figure out how to let go.
And letting go was the best thing I ever did.
I hope you don’t have to lose it all in order to do the same.
…
You are where you are on your journey.
Shaming yourself into growth is not growth, it’s just pain.
You are the most powerful, fulfilled and strongest version of yourself when you allow yourself space to just be where you are without an angry voice in your head saying you should be better.
So next time you hear yourself saying:
“I should be able to…”
“I used to be able to…”
“I’m supposed to be able to…”
Take a moment, breathe, and let go.
B.
